Wednesday, December 7, 2011

A Journey Across France


Some mornings I still wake up with little tears on my eyes. I’m missing France very much. I do feel lucky to wake up to the California mountains and palm trees that have greeted me out my window in every house I’ve ever lived in my home state.
However, on mornings such as this, I can’t help but give myself over to how badly I’d like to open my window and find France waiting outside. I'm not surprised that throughout history, it's landscapes and people have attracted so many artists and thinkers. It breeds creativity in it's breathing trees and dreamlike rivers.
I left Paris for home after nearly 3 brilliant weeks and hit American soil on November 18.
 If you’ve been to France or live there, you know.  The air smells like all the things that make it beautiful. All my favorite things….Rose and Violet, Chocolate and rich coffee, wine and smoke, soil and wet stones. Something floral and something wood. It’s sweet.

I fell in love.

As soon as I got home I began a journal of my trip. This version is edited…because if you tell a dream it won’t come true…and if I tell you EVERYTHING there is nothing left for me…and why kill the mystery? However, I’ll give away some of the diary so you’ll understand why I say…if you meet her, you’ll fall in love too.

I landed in Paris on November 2. It was my third visit to Paris, but the first for my friend. We were equally excited to land and feel the air a little cooler than in the suburbs of LA.
Our driver was very enthusiastic upon noticing my little travel guitar in the midst of our baggage. In fact, he brought it with him to the front seat and tuned it for me before playing us a little Neil Diamond. He played us “Sweet Caroline” in a French accent, so I sang him “Escale” in an American accent.

That first night we walked all over town, got lost, took photos of those fantastic art nouveau Metro signs. We sipped café au lait at a little shop right next to our hotel and were surprised to find that there were kitties running about in the coffee shop. Animals aren’t as taboo in establishments that serve food as they are in the US. It made me laugh to think that just a few weeks prior I was scolded by a fellow customer in a furniture store in Pasadena for bringing my little Papillion in with me. The store sold tiny bags of 2-year-old Halloween candy, so this cranky middle-aged goiter had a fit. “Unsanitary” she called my little HoneyBear.  I told her that her attitude was unsanitary.
Anyway, we were so enchanted by walking the city at night that we ended up on the other side of town and even with the help of the map, we had to stop into a random hotel to ask for directions at the front desk. The clerk informed us that we were a 45-minute walk from our hotel. This was ok with us. The air was brisk and sweet and the walk felt good.  I remember an old man with very dark skin and very white hair who winked at us before shuffling into a red lit bar called Diablo. I liked him. He seemed like a troublemaker.

I wanted to begin at the bones of the city, so the first morning in Paris, November 3, we hopped in a taxi and drove to the Catacombs. As a fan of spooky things, I was very excited. Also…being only a few days past Halloween, All Saints Day, and All Souls Day, it seemed fitting. 
The history of the underground tunnels and how the rock built the city in which all those people died is fascinating.
The long dim-lit hallways and markers of basic year and place of death made me feel as if I was walking down a timeline of bony historical meet and greets.
Some bones and skulls are positioned to make designs…hearts and crosses….however most are just stacked in piles taller than my head. I tested to see if they were stuck together. They were not.  For a moment I accidently wielded a femur.
I found a stone from the wall for my Dad. For as long as I’ve been travelling, I’ve been collecting little stones and flowers as treasures from around the world for him. My brother does it too. Our father has a piece of the Great Wall of China, The Coliseum in Rome, Westminster Abby, and many other places.
I’m telling you this to explain a funny happening at the Catacombs…
As we walked amongst the bones, my friend picked up a slab of stone from the ground and handed it to me saying,
“You should give your Dad THIS!”
I took it and gasped, “I can’t do that!!”
She asked, “Why not?”
“Because”, I whispered, “it’s a piece of someone’s head!!!”
She had found a bit…and not a small bit…of skull. We put it back on the pile and scurried away.
I loved imaging who all those bones belonged to and whose soul might be watching us from the pile.

We took the metro to Montmartre to see the Cemetery. It seems rather small compared to Pere Lachaise, but it is a precious and crowded village of graves nonetheless.
There is one enormous chocolate brown grave that almost looks like a jukebox. I adore it. I wish I had written down who was buried beneath it.  Another curious grave appears to be a cactus flipping the bird.
However, my favorite part of this cemetery was all the cats living on the grounds, skulking around the premises. At night their eyes light up and they add to the spooky vibe. The moon nearly full, and the kitties with their glowing green eyes made for some amazing photos.  When the hand held bell rang we had to run to the gates before they closed…although I wouldn’t have minded a night spent in the cemetery. There is no more peaceful a place than to be surrounded by so many people who have been loved.

From there we walked to Moulin Rouge to take the famous photo of the windmill.  I’ve seen the shows and the building a few times but it still is every bit as inspiring as the first time. I’ve always liked the significance and general aesthetic of windmills, so I can’t help but love this one. Its red wings invite you in.

However, we did not go in. Instead we walked 15 minutes to Le Grand Hotel that stands near the beautiful golden-lit Opera.
It was out first meal in Paris, so we tried everything. The truth is, in general, I don’t eat meat or dairy, but to not try every flavor is to deny one whole sense. I just couldn’t do it. I ate a frog….probably a frog prince. He was delicious, poor bastard.
I like Le Grand Hotel. The local friends we made rolled their eyes at us for visiting an establishment that they deemed “touristy”, but we felt awfully special under those beautiful frescoed ceilings.
It rained on the way back to the hotel and the golden lighting made the drops look like flecks of gold. It is easy to see why Paris is considered such a romantic city. It’s as if it is illuminated by candlelight.
Back at the hotel I opened the bottle of Absinthe I bought at the Catacombs gift shop. Skulls and Absinthe....what a fantastic day.

The next morning, Nov 4, we headed to Basilique Saint-Denis.
Right before we stepped inside I met a man from Kenya with his little boy. I know a little Swahili…I mean a VERY little, but we spoke for a moment. Actually, we sang “Jambo Bwana.” I really like the blending of cultures in the city.
Some of my favorite parts of Saint Denis were the little animals beneath the feet of the sarcophagus figures. These were animals representative of the personalities of the royalty or notable people held inside, whose figures were carved in marble or stone on the outside.
I loved the delicate paintings on the knight’s chairs. Each one different, but all with colors red, gold, teal and blue.
I’m intrigued by the decadent and tragic story of Marie Antoinette, so I really liked the fact that her remains were there…along with a less than modest…but still very beautiful sculpture of her. Actually she looked more like Molly Malone from the neck down.
Feathers and frosting, Champagne and diamonds, and then a beheading. I couldn’t have written it! She surely didn’t deserve the end, but it is one of my favorite bits of history.
I also enjoyed the statue of Beatrice de Bourbon. She looks like a Beatrice.
Below in the crypt lies, among many things, the heart of Marie Antoinette’s son, the boy who would have been Louis XVII.
This medieval gothic church and burial site of many royals is really beautiful inside and out.

From Saint-Denis we visited Pere Lachaise.
It was already late when we got there because we walked around town for a bit first.  The cemetery was beautiful. We didn’t have much time before closing so we ran to Jim Morrison’s grave…jumping the fence for a photo.  We are doubtless not the first American’s to take ownership and think we deserve to get close to him.  Actually, no, that isn’t fair…the people who jumped the fence after us were Italian. Everybody loves Jim Morrison enough to break the rules for him.
The gates were closing so we left soon after our photo shoot with Jim, but we knew we’d be back another day. I had to kiss Edith Piaf.

On November 5 we headed to Champs Elysees to do some shopping. We visited many stores....Fall/Winter is my favorite season for fashion, but our goal was to explore further than the main drag and reach La Duree (the big one was closed for renovation) for macaroons and the original Chanel store on Rue Cambon.
Before we exited the metro station below, I heard music so I followed it to find a 10-piece band playing French folk music…all songs I knew. I listened for a few numbers before heading up the steps. They were actually really talented. Not your average subway performers.

Upon emerging, the first thing we saw was the Arc de Triomphe. I have giggled every time I’ve seen it…not out of disrespect, but because it appears in reference to its location, as if they were carrying it to some other more aesthetically fitting part of the city or country (maybe to adorn a massive doorway) and it got too heavy….So they just dropped it in the middle of the street, in the middle of the mall. “Guys, let’s just leave it here.”  I know that makes for a backwards time line and reversed perspective, but that is where my head goes, nonetheless.
I prayed that when I left the city a few days later, I would not have to drive my rental car through, around, or anywhere near the Arc, as the traffic looked absolutely terrifying.

I adore La Duree. It’s colors and flavors are perfectly feminine and beautiful. There are rows and rows of colored and decorated sweeties like a garden of pastries. Soft pink and pale green decorate the shop in Easter egg colors with pops of bright pink and yellow.
My favorite are the macaroons flavored of rose, violet, and orange blossom.  I also bought a candle that smells like firewood and candy and is dressed in a grey-purple pot with bright purple wax. Macaroon scented bubble bath for Mama with a little glass macaroon on the lid made me feel like a princess buying a gift for the queen.

And then on to Chanel. How inspiring to know the history and then walk the halls of that store. The look for Fall-Winter is gothic romantic. I fell in love with a little art nouveau inspired firefly broach and a few of the new scents that I can’t find in the US.
This shop is so elegant with its simple black and white and it’s uniquely Chanel scent. I’ve always loved how all the make-up smells a little bit like roses and every perfume has a consistent undertone so even if it’s a new perfume, you know it’s Chanel.  Everything about the brand feels timeless to me and I have so much respect for Coco with her artistic sense and inexhaustible work ethic.

We walked past all the beautiful shops and took photos of our favorite window displays. Christian Louboutin took the cake. In the mock barbershop window display there was a mannequin head with a 3foot tall beehive adorned with pumps.
It was a shame that my own heels were hurting my feet….I needed to buy some flats. ;)

The Arc at night is beautiful, but I was ready to show my girlfriend the Eiffel Tower.
Its always breathtaking when I first see it. It looks like a drop of melted gold.
As we walked toward it, we passed a bush covered in little red berries the same as ones that used to grow near my home when I was a little girl, (my Dad and I used to throw them at each other when we walked in the mornings), so I took a photo of the bush with the Tower in the background and then plucked a few berries for Dad.

Poor little Tower…everyone always looking up her petticoat!

One of my favorite things in Paris is the old fashioned merry-go-round. Not the one with the hot air balloon on top…but a little farther away. She is the oldest carousel in Paris and one of my favorites in the world. There is something comforting to me about circles and spirals. A Farris Wheel, a merry-go-round, a windmill, all dance in ¾ like a waltz. I,2,3,1,2,3,1,2,3. Like my favorite songs…and probably also the reason I like stripes.

We walked to the Trocadero to take that famous photo of the Eiffel Tower where we caught the Tower light show. However, we got side tracked when I decided to climb the statues instead. It was very exciting up on that one statue's shoulders and in another’s arms. How very long they’ve been sitting there…with no one to hold them. So I did. We are all good friends now. They’re very high up, those ladies.

We were exhausted that night.

The next morning, November 6, we headed to Versailles on the Metro. I had forgotten that there is a change over to the train. I have never been so lost in my life! I don’t know how I got so turned around…the metro system is certainly different than NY but this was ridiculous. We got off in a town that was as silent as death and felt like we might never get home. Especially because there was no attendant at the gate and we were out of tickets…and locked out. Luckily, we are both small enough to squeeze through the ticket doors without a ticket and we hopped the next anything to anywhere. To our astonishment we had boarded the correct train to Versailles, but without a ticket, we were fined 50Euros…that should have been 100Euros but the ticket collector felt sorry for our story. How grateful I am to her.

That is something I have to take a moment for. I’ve been lucky to have had the opportunity to travel and meet so many beautiful cultures, and there is something really special about the French. They are unbelievably welcoming and patient. No one scoffed at me trying to speak the language and people just seemed to get more wonderful as we left Paris and began driving trough the country.
There was only one person on our entire trip who went against the grain.
She was an attendant at the metro station near Saint-Denis. A plump woman in her 30s with a moustache and an attitude like all the people around her were vermin she was simply used to. Upon our asking for assistance with a broken kiosk, she slowly sauntered past us with lips pursed and eyebrows raised over highly annoyed lids. No eye contact.
Other than moustach-ina, everyone was ready and willing to sing songs with me, give us directions, or exchange stories. I think the grace of the French is in their patience. Longer meals, time taken to address people who enter their sphere, eye contact. I appreciate it very much. It makes me want to travel even more so I can discover the qualities that make every culture beautiful.

Unfortunately, because we got so lost, we didn’t get to Versailles until 2 hours before closing. Also, by the time we got our tickets we were starving and ready for coffee and cigarettes, so we walked past the palace and into the village. I’m so glad we did too, because it started the trip to the Palace in a different way than I’ve seen it. It made me imagine what it would be like to live in the shadow of the Royal seat when it was thriving. It isn’t like the palace in Paris that gets swallowed up by the magnificence of the rest of the area. The village near the Palace of Versailles is still pretty rural and doesn’t seem to have changed much in the last 300 years. I love it because it has preserved its history.
Walking through the streets one can find evidence of the 1800s, 1700s, 1600s, 1500, etc.
We stopped at a patisserie at 2pm feeling a little funny because we were drinking coffee while everyone else was drinking wine.  And I decided on the fluffiest and girliest pastry I could find to nibble on the way to the palace. It was giant with purple with silver candy jewels and a rose crème filling. 
I imagine living in the shadow of Versailles NOW is pretty strange. However, I don’t think many people venture into the village as tourists.  We were respectful of that. We kept quiet and aware that we were walking through someone’s daily life.

Versailles, like the Tower, is astonishing to me every time. Because I like the story of Marie Antoinette, I always imagine what it must have been like for her as a young teenager to drive up to those gates and into a world that looks like an enormous Faberge egg.
The Hall Of Mirrors and Marie Antoinette’s room are my favorites, and luckily we did get that far before it was time for closing.
Can you imagine waking up in that room? How dreamy…and how overwhelming that must have been.  Especially because the people of the court were allowed to watch their royals dress for the day at that time in Versailles to show an ownership of the royals by the people. Even the birth of her children was available for viewing in that room.
I’ve never been to Austria, but I wonder what her home palace was like. Based on the portrait of her mother in her room, I gather it was rather grey-ish. Momma’s look doesn’t fit the color scheme of the rest of the room.
I love the detail work in the carvings and the tapestries. I love architecture. I love the frescoes, and the way that every room has it’s own color scheme.
I can’t imagine being chased as a sort of criminal through my own home. That must have been terrifying. Suddenly the garish and gorgeous work commissioned by generations of self-elevating kings is nothing more than prison décor.
We were sad to leave early. Next time we will go back for the Petit Trianon and the
Queen’s little pretend peasant village.

On November 7 we visited The Louvre. We thought we might just stroll through and see a few choice favorites but we in fact stayed for the whole day and saw every corner of the museum…including the service elevator, because we made friends with a woman on the museum staff. I'm so glad we stayed all day. There are so many wonderful pieces to see.
It is true that the Mona Lisa is alluring; it is also true that it is smaller than you’d think. My favorite thing about it is its colors. Chocolate brown, sepia tones, and then a deep blue-green sky.
I like the fact that while everyone is staring at this small portrait of a girl, behind them is The Wedding At Cana with its 50 life size people. The first time I visited the Louvre, I bought the book explaining the history of THe Mona Lisa. Her fame makes more sense having read it. 

One of my favorite paintings ever is “The Coronation of Napoleon and Josephine” by Jacques-Louis David. I like to find all the people who are looking at the observer. I like the three women talking behind Josephine. The clergy looks rather scary, but I like them too.  The colors are so rich and the detail makes for such a vivid image. I can imagine I'm in the painting.
I also like Antoine Watteau’s “Pierrot (Gilles)” painting of the sad white clownish man. I wonder what makes him so sad.
There is so much to see at The Louvre Museum that I almost get desensitized. It’s as if I can’t take in that much at once and I don’t even know what I’m looking at anymore. How lucky to have an experience of too much beauty. I left feeling inspired to paint, draw or doodle.

On the subject of the building itself, it really is interesting to me that so many people of power build monuments to themselves. I told my friend that all the “N”s of Napoleon carved into the doors actually stood for “Nalick”.  Some people in power still do it too. Perhaps there is some sort of psychology in it that says that others will respect you more if you have the means and pomp to build yourself a palace and a shrine.  However, I’m glad these monuments and buildings are there. They are incredibly beautiful and the psychology works on me. It makes me believe in Napoleon’s healthy sense of self-esteem beyond his triumphs.  Maybe he needed a retreat with Stewart Samlley of SNL. “Because, Napoleon, you’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggonit, people like you.” 

When we went outside it was raining again. It was beautiful. I think that’s why I love to travel in Fall or Spring. The rain.

The nightly search for delicious drinks found us at Le Chat Noir. Meow.

November 8 was our last day in Paris. We headed back to Pere Lachaise to see the rest of the cemetery. It really is enormous. I wanted Oscar Wilde the most…but he was being washed of his kisses.
We wandered through the maze of blackened stone and flower-adorned sculptures and found Edith Piaf. Her stone is modest and small….as I hear she was in life. I’m such a fan of Edith Piaf. My favorite song of hers is called “Je n’en connais pas la fin.” The song is about a town square and it’s little fair and the music from the carousel that draws people from Italy and all around. 
If you’d like to hear the song, it’s on itunes…and Jeff Buckley also does a version.

I was happy to find Modigliani and to marvel at some of the interesting and a little bit scary stonework, but I was really excited to find Sarah Berhardt.
 When I was in third grade, my teacher called me Sarah after her. I’m sure it was because I was a little day-dreamy and could come up with a very dramatic story if faced with getting in trouble. Therefore, I was proud to sit with Sarah Bernhardt in her resting place in Pere Lachaise.

We walked for hours in the cemetery, saying prayers and leaving good thoughts and flowers with all the graves we took photos of.  When we left it was raining hard and it was time to pick up the rental car.

We were late getting the car and the rental place closed as soon as we got behind the wheel. So there was no asking for help when the GPS didn’t work.

Driving in Paris is a crazy experience for a few reasons.
For one, I think the general rule is that you just close your eyes and go where you need to go. That’s not too different from LA, so that was ok. Not a lot of attention paid to lanes. Oh…and the signs are on the sides of buildings, so in the rain…or even in the sun and on foot you don’t know where you are till you get there. I did have to…or rather get to…drive under the Arc de Triomphe. It was an experience I will never forget. I was pretty sure that was where I’d be using the insurance I bought on the rental car….but we made it. We made it all the way to the first roundabout to Rouen…and took the wrong exit…and came back to the Arc to start over….and then took the wrong exit again….and then came back to the Arc to start over…Keep in mind we had no GPS, it was night, and it was raining really hard. The map was of little use because it was of all of Paris and the streets were so small we couldn’t see them.
So, I did what any grown up would do…I called my Mother.
It was morning in LA and she got online to help us. We were almost figuring it out…driving in traffic in the rain near the Obelisque…when there was a knock on my window. A police officer.
He didn’t make a big to-do. He knocked on the window of the person in front of me so they would move over and let me out of traffic where I could pull over. Two officers stood at my window and tried like crazy to conceal their laughter when I said, “Bonsoir. We’re lost. How do we get to Rouen?”
“One”, said the older officer, “You need to get off your cellular phone.”
“Desole.” I said meekly.
He continued, “And du, you are going the wrong direction. Get out of your car and I will point to you where to go.”
I said, “D’accord. Just let me put on my shoes.”
“Trois,” he rolled his eyes, “you need to keep on your shoes when you drive.”
“Desole…again.” I said in complete embarrassment.
I got out of the car and he pointed out where to go and told me to stay West to Giverny, then to Rouen.
I was so grateful I could have hugged him.
The younger officer winked at my girlfriend and we were off....ready to explore parts of the country that were unknown to both of us.
We drove for hours and finally arrived in the town of Rouen. We knew we were close to the hotel but the street signs were sporadic and it was so dark we couldn’t see them anyway.
So we pulled over at a McDonald’s….as you do…and found two college kids who helped us out. They were architecture students, so in addition to lighting our way, they also told us that the reason the buildings are blackened is not from fire but from pollution. How terrible that we have caused that kind of damage.
With buildings like Notre Dame Rouen and Saint Ouen towering above, they must have a very interesting perspective on architecture. Thanks to them, we found our hotel…otherwise we would still be driving in circles.
When we drove past St. Ouen, he was so beautiful that it stopped us in our tracks. We literally had to stop the car and stare for a moment.
We were relieved to pull into the parking garage of our hotel…which is where I made good use of my rental car insurance while pulling around a skinny corner in the garage.


November 9. Our hotel was right in the backyard of Notre Dame Rouen, so the first order of the day was to go inside. There was a tiny child’s playhouse in the courtyard of the church, and I liked the look of the contrast. Big to small, grey-black to primary colors, past and future.
The church features a giant stained glass circle window and such tiny details in the stonework that it looks like pencil sketches in the photos.

There was a man sitting outside playing accordion against the backdrop of the church. I put a few euros in his case remembering something Tim Hogan told me once a long time ago, “If he’s doing a good job or really trying, always pay the street musician. The only thing that separates you from him is that you got lucky.” He's tight, you know. Karma.

The inside is as impressive as the outside. The perspective shot reminds me of a painting…rows and rows of white columns pointing toward a center alter and gilded crucifix.
I lit a candle and said prayers for all my love ones as I walked around the massive church.
Although there was considerable damage to the church in a 1944 bombing, much of it was spared…or rather survived…and looks as it did before attack. The virgin and child and the gothic architecture still stands tall. And most interestingly, there lies a sarcophagus of King Richard The Lionheart who left his heart to the Rouen Cathedral when he died in 1199.
My favorite bit of the cathedral is the stairway and door that leads to the library. It reminds me of the movie “Labyrinth” when Sarah is in the world of the Goblin King “I turned the world upside-down, and I did it all for you!”

The famous half-timbered houses reminded me of Disneyland.  That is the lucky thing about living in the shadow of a Disney theme park. It gives you a taste of places around the world and makes you want to travel.  Every country I’ve visited still feels like home to me. Especially France. That may be partly just me and my tastes, but it’s definitely a little bit of the Disneyland upbringing as well. 
The town of Rouen is very cute. I liked it’s cobblestone streets and the beautiful clock over the main archway....as well as the little pastry shop.

The moon was getting fuller and brighter. I took her picture over Saint Ouen. 

We drove at night to Le Mont Saint Michel and checked into Relais St. Michel where we were greeted by an adorable night-watchman called Lucien. He gave us a room with a gorgeous view of Mont Saint Michel. If you visit Le Mont, I recommend staying at Relais St. Michel. It is so close you can walk to Le Mont…which we did.

It was breathtaking to awaken to the sight of the island fortress on November 10. We were so grateful to Mr. Julien the Night Watchman for giving us the room.
Mont St Michel has spent time as a monastery and later as a prison. Architecturally it contains buildings of many styles and ages and in it’s upper story it holds a Romanesque minster with an enormously tall spire.
To reach the top you must climb the steps and walk up the skinny windy streets aligned with shops selling quiche, macaroons, and gargoyles.
At the top are the cloister and the great citadel. I chose the tallest wall and sat atop it for a photo. This became a theme on the trip actually. I’d climb to the highest height for pictures. What a gorgeous view of the coast of Normandy.

I loved walking the streets of Mont Saint Michel. Some of the homes, which are still inhabited by people who work on Mont Saint Michel, look like miniatures made for a scene in a movie…as if they belong in Mr. (Monsieur) Rogers Medieval Neighborhood with a horse drawn cart instead of a trolley.

I’ve always liked the story of Saint Michael and I really enjoyed his winding medieval streets.  It’s easy to get lost in another time on those streets.
The Saint Michael chapel is small and wonderful. It is jam packed with relics and statuary, giving it that Day Of The Dead look.

Back down at sea level, I took off my shoes to put my feet in the sand of the Normandy Coast. It was soft and warm against that freezing cold water, and it dried like clay.

We drove out early that day on our way to Amboise, stopping at the old fashioned pump to fill up the tank.

Our hotel in Amboise was like a dream. Set on the Loire River, Le Choiseul on 36 Quai Charles Guinot is a tiny hidden jewel of a chateau with only a few rooms and a gorgeous restaurant.
Our room was decorated in turquoise, red, and gold flowers with a crystal chandelier and a wood paneled window that opened up onto a flower box and the great Chateau Royal…which we appeared to be in the back yard of.
We felt like Cinderella, so we in fact fell asleep watching the Disney classic and awoke to rolling hills and sweet garden air. I sat in the window to drink my coffee and simultaneously began recording a melody for a new song with the tape recorder that I let rest in the flowerbed.

We loved Le Choiseul before we even saw the room. This was all due to how warmly we were greeted by the staff at the front desk. Jean Batiste and his colleague Alina welcomed us with big smiles and a map of Amboise. Jean Batiste was so animated and playful that we now remember Amboise as much for him as for its castles and museums. He is the perfect face of Le Choiseul. They are lucky to have him and if you ever stay there, I hope you are lucky enough to be greeted by his inviting laughter and very helpful tips….(like, “The left lane is not the fast lane…it is the pass lane. You were blocking traffic and that is why they flash you.”)  

The moon in Amboise was very bright. I caught it in a photo shoot. Smile Petit Lune!

Amboise is known for its flowers and greenery. It is called the “Garden of France” and it does indeed smell like flowers. It is in the Loire Valley, which is known for it’s Chateaus, it’s ties to Da Vinci (who’s buried at Chateau Amboise) and it’s ties to Saint Joan Of Arc (who inspired King Charles II to fight on in the Chateau Chenonceaux.

On November 11 after coffee and jotting down song ideas, we asked Jean Batiste his recommendations for much to do and less time to do it in. He suggested Chenonceaux over Chambord because although it is smaller, there is more to see inside as it is completely decorated with original furnishings.
It was a good suggestion. Chenonceaux is very dreamy. It is Renaissance and built over the river Cher.

When you approach the castle it feels just as approaching a castle should feel. You walk a path between two long rows of trees and slowly the Chateau appears, half welcoming and still a little forbidding, mirrored by the water on each side to make it look even bigger. In reality it is not enormous. It is however, very suitable to a woman’s tastes. In fact, it was the favorite of many women throughout history and it was enhanced and added to by mistresses, queens, princesses, and regents.
The most interesting of these women to me were Catherine de Medici and Madame Louise Dupin.

Catherine de Medici held Chenonceaux from 1559, when her husband King Henry II died, until her own death in 1589. Catherine added the beautiful gardens and used to throw lavish parties…including one that featured the first fireworks display in France in celebration of her son Francis II’s ascension to the throne.

In the early 1700s after the Chateau had been in the hands of the very depressed (and rightly so…her husband was assassinated) Louise de Lorraine-Vaudemont, wife of King Henry III (Louise de L-V, as a side note, stayed in mourning until her death and she had her room painted black with skulls and crossbones stitched into her tapestries. It still stands that way,) it was frequently abandoned for the next 100 years. Madame Louise Dupin and her husband, a squire called Claude Dupin enlivened the chateau. Madame Dupin entertained Enlightenment leaders like Montesquieu, Fontenelle, Rousseau and Voltaire. (Madame Louise Dupin is actually the grandmother of writer George Sand.) Louise also saved Chanenceau from being destroyed during the French revolution because it was the only bridge across the river for miles and miles and it was needed for commerce as well as travel.
I liked Madame Louise’s portrait. It was said that she was very beautiful and I agree.
I also enjoyed a painting commissioned by Francis I of “The Three Graces” which were actually his 3 successive mistresses…and sisters. What…a cad.

I love the story of the Great Hall of Chenonceau. First of all, it was in fact itself the bridge over the Cher. But most interestingly, it was used as an infirmary for soldiers during WWI.  Beds were lined up against the walls, watched over by carvings of famous people of the past, and men would fish out the windows. Can you imagine that your refuge and place of recovery from war is a castle on the water? You’d think you were hallucinating.

I also admired the kitchen rooms of the castle. They are decorated with all of the utensils of the time. Brass pots line the walls, cutting tools are on display, and a big black stove sits in the center of one room.  It’s easy to imagine the staff bustling in and out of those rooms with warm bread and cooked meats for parties.

Of all the castles and cathedrals we visited, Chenonceau was the most feminine. It is certainly this way because it was run and funded by so many women (there is even a “Bedroom of the Five Queens.”) Even it’s little garden and farm look ladylike. I could have wandered around all day, but we had plans for dinner back at our little chateau.

For dinner I ordered deer with sweet potato and gingerbread crumbs. Shredded rabbit was out of the question because it was literally translated to English as “shredded rabbit” and my theory on food is sometimes you just don’t need that much information. 
My dinner was delightful and my wine was even better. I don’t remember what it was exactly, but it was dark and a little smoky.  The further south we got, the more I liked the wine.
The real story of this meal was the “cheese cart.”  We were very careful not to be rude, finicky, or timid, so we tried every cheese our waiter recommended…even if our animal instincts and sense of smell warned us against one in particular. I’m going to save the details for the personal diary, but it was absolutely the most hilarious meal in France, and thank God for Jean Batiste who was good enough to assure us that it wasn’t that we American girls were suffering from an under-developed palate. He in fact would never have tasted that cheese after having smelled it once long ago. We were pionniers de fromage!

Another silly moment at dinner…a few glasses of wine in, my girlfriend asked me to place the accent of the people sitting behind us. I love the accents when I’m touring so sometimes I can name them pretty well.  I was thinking Savannah or Charleston but I couldn’t place it so I said confidently…
“I’m thinking South America.” (Mind you, I was three sheets and two glasses to the wind)
She narrowed her gaze at them. “Really? But they’re, like…REALLY white.”
“No, I mean South OF America,” I tried to correct myself, laughing.
She looked more confused…like maybe she gives me too much credit.
“Like…Cuba?” She mused.
“I mean IN the South IN the United States of America,” I was laughing so hard I was crying because this couple was so obviously Southern, but my sweet friend was determined to believe I knew what I was talking about. What a beautiful gift to have a friend like that.

I forgot to mention that before dinner, we stopped at the Da Vinci museum down the street from our hotel.  That meant we got to walk the narrow streets of Amboise, through the little market town, and past a gorgeous little chocolate shop where we collected goodies marked with images of Leonardo Da Vinci.

His museum is predominately outdoors, save for the Clos Luce…the mansion where Leonardo lived and worked…. and is spread out over a large park. Walking through the park one can view…and even climb on…some of his inventions built to life size. I am sure that when they are blooming, the gardens, built from plant life studied by Da Vinci, are really lovely.

I wonder if a genius like Da Vinci ever had moments of self-doubt or if he wondered if he was crazy with all those thoughts and ideas.  And if enough people had told him when he was a child to pipe down and just draw stick figures like every one else, would we be as developed as we are now in art and architecture and medicine?  It’s incredible how much the mind is capable of, and what I admire most about Da Vinci is his unlimited imagination. The same thing that allows my nephew to draw a portrait of all of us on a farm he’s never been to or seen, also turns out a Leonardo Da Vinci or a Steve Jobs. How dare I ever tell my imagination to pipe down and let me “work”. I’m useless without her.

I bought a book of Da Vinci thoughts and quotes. I’m sure I will learn very much from His Beardedness the Genius.

On the morning of November 12, we left our little chateau for a visit to the real Chateau d’Amboise.  We were pleased to walk through the town again and up the great steps into the courtyard of the Castle.  The castle is a little bit Gothic and a little bit Renaissance in design because it was developed over time.
The first thing I saw upon entering was the little Chapel of Saint Hubert. The chapel is quite tiny and features stained glass windows that light and color the whole room.
However, the most exciting thing in the chapel is the grave where it is said Leonardo Da Vinci is buried. Of course, this may not be true, but just in case it is, I curled up on his grave to tell him secrets.

Leonardo came as a guest of King Francis I in 1515 and lived at the nearby Clos Luce, which was connected to the castle by an underground passageway.

Chateau d’Amboise overlooks the Loire River and it was something like a royal nursery. Francis I was raised there, as well as the children of Henry II and his wife Catherine de’ Medici, including Mary Queen of Scots.

It has a pretty bloody history as well. In the 1500’s, during the French Wars of Religion, a political conspiracy was cracked and then covered by the hanging of 1200 Protestants. The bodies were hung from the walls of the town and the castle itself, and eventually the smell of rotting corpses drove the whole court away.

How sad that so much of our world history and wars were and still are fueled by religion.  I don’t believe there is a God who would have condoned any of it.  Butcher, maim, and cause pain in my name, so that you may all kneel and pray the same way. That sounds backwards to me. I believe in the God who created a valley that smells like flowers, a river that runs for millions of years, and great minds that build beautiful structures lived in by kings and commoners alike. 

The castle went through a period of abandonment, was partially demolished during the French Revolution, an assessment of engineering under Napoleon destroyed a great deal of it, and after a brief period of reconstruction in 1848 and again in 1873, it was further damaged by German invasion in 1940.
This beautiful castle has really been through a lot of reinventing, and she now stands as an historic monument….and I kissed her Knight in Shining Armor, scribbled a short poem in front of her fireplace, and jumped the ropes to sit in her throne. Thus, royal children’s nursery it remains.

Smoking cigarettes and drinking that rich, never bitter, always delicious coffee is one of my favorite parts of my stay in France, so we did just that on the street of Amboise in the shadow of the great Chateau as the sun set.

From there we said a sad goodbye to Jean Batiste and Alina and we began the drive to Sarlat-la-Caneda.

The drive to this little commune in the Dordogne department of Aquitaine was a long one. I believe this was also the night we pulled over in a little village on the wrong side of the road to take photos of the moon.  We were visited by a police car as we snapped photos. I’m sure we looked crazy, but they simply laughed at us and pointed the way back to the main road. It was a good thing we were stopped, because we were a little turned around, but obviously unafraid. By this point, France was our third girlfriend and we trusted her to lead the way.
As we drove I told my girlfriend a story I’ve been writing. It made the time fly by and soon we were sleepily pulling into the tiny medieval town in the Perigord Noir.

November 13 we awoke in Sarlat, a commune untouched by modern hands.  We stopped here for two reasons. One, I wanted to see a medieval commune untouched by modern hands…and Two, it lies close to both Chateau Beynac and Chateau Castelnaud. It is a remarkable little quiet town. The whole area, including the Chateaus, has been used for movies and stories and it’s easy to see why. It’s been perfectly preserved and it bleeds antiquity, such that you almost have to use your imagination to remember you’re living in 2011. It’s perfect!

On this first day in Sarlat, we followed the signs to Chateau Castelnaud and from there we would visit Chateau Beynac. Beynac (for girls who like fairytales) was used in the movie “Ever After”. Thus, I decided it was a good day to wear my new sparkly Cinderella flats….to a medieval fortress now known for its artillery collection.

Unfortunately, the Chateau Castelnaud was closed for the season, but the grounds, as well as the River Dordogne were wide open, so we wandered around and eventually landed on the water.  I love to feel the water of another land on my feet.  In fact, I try to go barefoot for a minute or two in every place in the world that I love.  In New Orleans they have a saying that if you walk barefoot in the city, a little piece of your soul will be left there.  I did walk barefoot in New Orleans, and I’ve gone on to apply the folklore to everywhere else. Thus, when my body goes to play strip poker with the worms, my soul will be going on a vacation around the world.
I would have jumped in that water too, if it weren’t so cold…and there weren’t too many people around to take clothes off. 
The stone facing of Castelnaud looks like someone wrapped paper over the exterior and then rubbed all around with a piece of charcoal. The streets wind so that it is impossible not to get lost...which was quite fun.  I accidentally wandered into someone’s courtyard from a tiny little walkway. Their view of the river was incredible. I felt bad for being on private property so I watered their plants....and from there actually made new friends.

Seeing a place like Castelnaud helps make sense of the notion of a functioning Kingdom. It’s easier to fathom a city that is built into a castle like we see in movies or read in books, where carved from the same rock and upon one giant mountain there is a whole court and population below where the king sits. One can envision being a working class person and having the King himself bobble right past you in his carriage because that street is his only option for getting back to his throne up on the hill. 

Down at the water’s edge, I had a daydream of sailing up to the fortress and climbing the hill to my home where I’d write poetry for the King and water my own garden.

In reality Castelnaud was built as the rival of our next destination, Chateau Beynac, and during the Hundred Years War it was under allegiance to the Plantagenets…English throne, while Beynac was French and was once captured by King Richard the Lionheart. 

On the drive from Castelnaud to Beynac, we passed little farmhouses that looked like a scene out of a painting. There was golden grass and red-orange leaves surrounding grey and tan houses with ducks in the yard. I wanted to knock on any door and ask to stay forever.

To our astonishment, Beynac was open. There were a few souvenir shops, but for the most part it looked like a normal town….500 years ago…with regular hard working people living in it.

Chateau Beynac was built in the 12th century and it sits atop a limestone cliff on the north bank of the Dordogne River, on the opposite bank from Castelnaud.
On one side, it’s exterior wall rests on a sheer cliff face hundreds of feet above ground and water level. This is where I chose to perch for my photo. I think my heart stopped for a moment, but such is the way with reaching a pinnacle…it was worth it.  The view from where I sat showed me all of the town, the surrounding castles, the gorgeous fall trees and the Dordogne River. Grey, blue, orange, yellow, green, brown, and white. Had I fallen, it would have been to fall into a painting. Of course, my girlfriend brought me back to reality with, “Yeah ok, but what would I tell your parents? She fell into a painting? Please get down. You’re making me sweaty.”

There were actually a lot of places to perch at Beynac…and we did a lot of just sitting and admiring the panoramic view of the valley. It was days like this when we felt like one with the land and sort of lost in time. These were the best moments.
Beynac has an unbelievable collection of medieval weapons and artillery pieces. There are quivers, arrows, a trebuchet, a catapult, and cannons, to name a few frightening and awesome key pieces. There are also little holes in the walls for blowing bombs or shooting arrows.

There is also a wishing well.

Before leaving the castle, I noticed that much of the exterior wall was built of protruding, misshapen stones, and no one was around, so I took off my Cinderella slippers and scaled the wall until the stones got too small for a California Girl or a medieval rival soldier to climb. However, I made it all the way to the top of the archway…and a fair distance up the wall too, where I pocketed a little piece of limestone for my father. I was so proud and excited to brag to my adventure seeking, rock climber brothers…I scaled a Medieval Fortress…barefoot…in a silk skirt!

When we left Chateau Beynac it was dark and all the shops were closed. We drove back into Sarlat and walked from our hotel into the city to find wine.
We discovered a little place, where we drank wine and ate fois gras. It was not the first time I’d tasted any of the things I’ve mentioned….except maybe for that one cheese…I’d have remembered that…but this night and on this trip fois gras was the only thing that my mostly vegan diet would not stand for. It was delicious and wonderfully prepared, but it made me very sick.  Still, I recommend you try it if you ever have a chance.  You might get lucky ;)

The next morning we awoke early. We had a plan to walk the city before heading to dinner on the water of the Mediterranean and then to Avignon.

There exists a line drawn between where I cautiously let you in and where I politely shut you out. This story straddles that line. However, you must be wondering how two female best friends fared for 3 weeks in another country with pretty much only each other. The truth is, we got along fine, but both being strong willed and quick-witted little firecrackers, we did snap once or twice.  This scenario happened toward the end….

I awoke early to plot out the next few days. When she awoke and saw me with several maps open on the bed, she asked….
“How can I help you?” She was still half asleep and probably hoping I'd say I didn't need help.
I answered without even looking up or saying good morning, “In a minute. Just let me organize something for….(I trailed off)”
Finally I said, “Ok, I just need your help deciding on the last few days. You ready?”
“Uh huh,” she replied.  She was looking at my book of Da Vinci quotes and at facebook on her laptop at the same time.
I figured she could do 2 or more things at once, so I began….
“We can hang around town today and leave late for Avignon, stopping in Montpellier for dinner. Or we can leave here early and visit the caves full of stalactites and stalagmites before heading to Avignon. Or we can go straight to Avignon and then leave Avignon early for Nice on the 16th, stopping in Grasse on the way to visit Fragonard and the other perfumeries. Either way we need to be in Nice on the afternoon of the 17th to catch our flight back to Paris….” 
I looked up and could tell she was reading on her computer, so like a cranky, antagonistic twit, I added,  “….and I’m pregnant.”
She turned to me with fire in her eyes and retorted, “I’m LISTENING to you!”
I answered back with drippy fake sugar on my voice…as if I hadn’t been kind of asking for it… 
"I didn’t say you weren’t. I just…”
She cut me off and angrily rattled off, “We can go to Avignon today! We can stop in Nice and see the perfumery! We can go to Grasse and see the cave filled with bagpipes!! We can go to the water!! I heard EVERYTHING you said!!!”
I slammed my maps on the bed and headed for the shower, saying nothing when she asked, “Are we done talking then?”
I got into the shower and did the hypothetical conversation trick where you say all the things you’d never be clever or ballsy or a big enough bitch to say in real life…..

For example:
“There are 3 assholes in this room right now, and one of you has to go!”
OR
“If it wasn’t for me, you’d still be lost in Paris, where you’d have to learn the “Madame You Dropped This Gold Ring” trick to make enough money to buy a plane ticket out of a paper bag!”

When I came out of the shower, we were silent for the duration of our getting ready. I was certainly being a brat, giving her the grown-up version of the silent treatment where you pretend you are extremely busy with whatever you are doing PLUS your own thoughts PLUS the state of the thread on the towel and a thousand other things that don’t matter at all, and you huff a little here and there to make your pissed off presence known.
Finally she asked in a calm voice, “Are you not speaking to me now?”
I answered snippily, “I’m just getting ready for the day.”
That’s when I realized I was lying and we both knew it.
I re-answered, “No, I AM not talking to you, because talking to YOU means there’s a 95% chance I’m going to get yelled at, and only a STUPID person ASKS for it!!”
She retorted, “No, I just REACTED because YOU thought I wasn’t LISTENING to you!”
And I fired back, “No! I KNOW you weren’t listening to me! Because the perfumeries are in GRASSE, we are LEAVING from Nice, and there is no such thing as a CAVE filled with FUCKING BAGPIPES!!”

That ended the argument. We laughed really hard, realizing that we were wasting far too much time and energy by acting like two Halloween kitties passing each other on a garden wall. Best friends again.

Sarlat is surrounded by wooded hills and it centers around an ancient abbey and a church, which eventually became the Cathédrale Saint-Sacerdos de Sarlat. Its courtyard is dirt and stone in it’s foundation, and inside it is spacious and bright with light from the stained glass windows. I favored its pipe organ and it’s Stations of the Cross. The station featuring Veronica wiping the face of Jesus and capturing His image on the cloth is my favorite.

The town of Sarlat-la-Caneda is really lovely. Many memories in that little town…but we had dinner in Montpellier and a bed in Avignon to look forward to….and a long, beautiful drive in between.

Unfortunately, by the time we got to Montpellier, on the night of the 14th, the restaurant was closed and it was too dark to get to the water safely. Next time.

Instead we continued on to Avignon and checked into Auberge De Cassagne just outside the city. Driving past the walls of the city of Avignon, we knew there was something special inside. We were excited for a visit the next day.
I liked the hotel. It felt like a garden and it featured a curtained bed and yellow lighting.  I fell asleep drinking Champagne and Absinthe and nibbling on chocolate from Amboise. Pure heaven.

The shutters in our room were green and they opened onto a garden. I love the smell of the air in the South. Added to the violet, hearth, chocolate, and rose smell, there is the scent of water. A little salty and a little stale like it’s been sitting in a wooden barrel. I adore it.

On the morning of November 15, we crossed town, through the protective walls and into the city of Avignon.
We got lost (as is the theme) trying to find parking under the famous Popes Palace. Actually, we got ourselves stuck on a narrow street because someone who was in a hurry told us to “just go” and we followed her direction into a dead end. A helpful construction worker had to aid us by calling whomever it is one calls to get those middle-of-the-street metal roadblock posts lowered so we could pass.  We ended up parking on the street, and even though we looked very carefully for signs, we did end up getting a ticket. And yet, to be reprimanded by the law of a country I’d grown to really love, only made me feel more like a child of it’s violet scented, no-No-Parking-sign having streets. Add to that the probable speeding tickets, the ticket for not having a train pass, the damage to the rental car, and I believe I am truly the troublesome adopted child of France...but it’s child nonetheless.

Walking into the Northern edge of Avignon that overlooks the Rhone River, you are greeted by a most austere and intimidating Palais du Pape. It befits its station as the home of a few medieval Popes and antipopes, as it is by far the most masculine of all the palaces we visited. It does indeed lord over its audience like a stern father, and yet it still remains somehow welcoming in its strength and grace.  The cutout in its center balcony doesn’t line up with the center window in between the two front upside-down saber-tooth towers. I wonder if that bothered any of the Popes who lived there. If any of them had OCD, it absolutely did.

Our stay in Avignon was the highlight of our trip. Remembering it feels like some kind of faerie-tale come to life. As such, I hesitate to tell every detail. I’d rather keep it for myself. However, because I chanced to meet someone who runs Avignon’s board of human relations, and I told him that his town was like a secret I want to tell everyone…I should explain a little bit about why Avignon is so magnificent.
First of all, its location on the Rhone makes it seem like a faerie land. Then once you are inside the walls that surround the city just like a medieval kingdom should, you find that despite the enormity of the famed Palais, the population surrounding it is rather small. It feels and functions like the close knit community that a parent would hope to find to raise children in. However, it’s also a bustling city filled with a museum, a carousel, a theatre, churches, tea parlors, cafes, restaurants, nightclubs, and a university.  The people were welcoming and warm wherever we went and there was music everywhere…including a man in the courtyard of the Palace who played Beatles tunes all day and into the night.
AG Chocolatier was the home of the best chocolates I tasted on my entire journey. They were actually the best truffles I’ve ever tasted…ever. 

We were honored to meet a family and their friends who came from France, Italy, Chile, and the Ukraine. They treated us like family…and everybody knew all the lyrics to “Hotel California” in English, so the language barrier met its match. We had a full-on music session. Thank you a thousand times to all of our new friends in Avignon. 

Simply put, I fell in love. If you ever have a chance to visit France, go to Avignon.

We actually stayed late on the night of the 16th, so when we arrived in Nice on the 17th, we had just enough time to shower, take a catnap, and head to the airport. Driving through the night and early morning, I was very glad to have my AG Chocolatier Avignon truffles. Actually, I’m nibbling on a little lavender chocolate right now.

Leaving Avignon on November 17 was so difficult that only fits of exhausted laughter could get us through.  My girlfriend was nervous during take-off so I imitated what exactly I think would happen if I failed to follow that “no-smoking” rule. “I wonder” I asked, “what would they do if I repeatedly failed to comply? I bet they'd kick me out over this ocean, with a pair of child’s floaties cause I’m like a child who refuses to follow directions. Would I have to wave to you from the water below as I float there in the water, floaties around my arms and neck and a cigarette in my mouth? Saying, 'This is total bullshit' between puffs?”

That night in Paris we wondered into a little tiny restaurant in the corner at the end of an alley near Rue Cambon. It was so little that everyone in the restaurant; chefs, wait staff, and diners, all spoke to each other over dinner. I don’t remember what we ate but I remember I sang “Complainte de la Butte” and a few of them sang along. I also remember a man dining alone as a customer but not alone as he was friends with the kitchen and floor staff. He was introduced to us by the chef as “The Typical Frenchman”.  He jovially asked us if we wanted to go home with him…which makes him a typical forward-man, but doesn’t necessarily constitute typical French.  He did however look like Maurice Chevalier, so maybe that’s it.

I wish I had written down the name of that little place because it was the perfect last supper in France.  Quiet, friendly, and intimate. We walked back to our hotel and realized that since we’d been out of Paris, Christmastime had begun.  Twinkling white lights now glittered the sidewalks and pictured in the windows were red ribbons around gold packages. I know we are famous in the US for starting the Christmas season in October, but being in a country that doesn’t practice the Thanksgiving feast, made it feel like we arrived right after Halloween and left right before Christmas. It made the trip seem much longer. I’m grateful for that.

The morning of the 18th saw us up early so we could walk down the street for one last café au lait and cigarette. We walked farther than we needed to so we could see the Eiffel Tower, the enormous Farris wheel, and the whole Place de la Concorde one more time. We ended up meeting some friendly construction workers, who spoke no English…so I bought them coffee because good music, good food, and good drinks are universal languages.
As expected, we did in fact cry a little bit walking back to our hotel and again in the car on the way to the airport. We had learned a lot and made some beautiful memories, but it was time to go home. 

I am so grateful to everyone who befriended us and welcomed us. 

In closing, I think falling in love with a place is just like falling in love with a person. To see them and find them attractive is to fancy them. But to know their history…good and bad, breathe their air, sing their songs, taste them, walk barefoot with them, feel lucky just to know them, and still want more…that is love.
I fell in love with France and I can’t wait to go back for more.

AnNa November/December 2011

















Thursday, November 10, 2011

A new story...Part 2


Continued from Part 1….
The girl and her love for that boy moved me. She would have been an easy one to judge. Beautiful and confident at first glance, she'd "Sweetie" you and you'd think she was being condescending. Maybe she even was... a little bit. On second glance, she was insecure at that time. She knew she didn't really "have" that boy and it ate at her.

What I saw was something different. The boy was just a symbol of something else she was chasing. She didn't have herself. Didn't really know who she was...so her identity became...him. If she had him, she was somehow more worthy. Love existed too, but the ownership on both parts was the tie that bound. It was exploitative.
I'd been there, so it was easy to point a finger at all of us. 
One night after he'd said those sweet things that the rest of us knew were wrapped around the fact that he was lying to her, she fell asleep outside under the stars..."patching things up" all night while I slept in her bed. I awoke at 5AM and went outside to find her sleeping on a chaise lounge in the cold September air with construction workers hanging from the buildings on either side of hers. She was shivering, so I covered her up, smoothed her hair, and threw away the empty bag of gummy bears, with thoughts in my head of the so beautiful/so cleverly (whatever the word is for keeping someone insecure) sentences she'd read me from his emails the night before. 
I went back inside and on a piece of hotel paper that I still have, I started writing the words to my song "Shine."  It started with, “There are times when the poets and porn stars align.”
As with most of my songs, as she and that poor, sad, controlling boy were my muse, I was writing it to myself as well. It was such a personal song that I never shared it with her. In fact, as life sped along, we lost touch, and I still don't think she knows it's hers. I do know however, that she is no longer chasing that boy who didn't deserve it, she knows who she is now, and she probably wrinkles her nose and says "ugh" when she remembers him,...saying, "Good luck with that" to whoever the new girl is. Maybe he's not that same snake-y dude anymore either. I don't know. I'm a human...and a girl, so I judge...unfairly sometimes. Even though I've been the insecure girl trying to prove the boy is mine, I've been the snake-y one who builds enough hurt to make you break and enough sweetness to make you need my glue, and I've been the girl that let's the insecure beauty know she in fact does NOT own that boy. I know how many fingers are pointing back at me.
Anyway, when my new friend woke up that morning we jetted off to take care of our days. I had a flight to catch at 2pm so I ran down the street to the Sony building with my guitar held over my head...because I couldn't move very fast with it in it's heavy case and I had to get to the president’s office before my car arrived to take me to JFK.
I burst into the office and said, "Here's your new single." (At the time, the goal was to write something for the radio.)
He loved it. He knew the story behind it too because he knew my new friend. I begged him to never tell a soul…to let the song resonate with people as it applied to them individually…and he promised.
Within a month I'd produced “Shine” and was flying across the US playing it every day for radio stations. Everyone seemed to really like it. 
However, I noticed bits of its story and more disgustingly a very different spin on it was part of every interview. It took one of my loyal Sony reps to confirm that the old president had told everyone on a conference call that "Shine" was about “celebrities and how fucked up they are.” 
Many promotional tools, invented not by Sony itself (Sony is a great company), but by this one angling, opportunistic man were being used to make a mockery of my song, my friend, and my integrity as a writer.
I tried to be clever in interviews until I could finally have a meeting suggesting we be a little more clever with our promotional efforts. My promo staff at Sony was brilliant and dedicated and really unbelievable supportive...just good people. I adore them still. Even they thought the fact that my interviews were becoming about celeb culture was really dumb and totally contrary to who I am. (I'm all for killing time at the grocery store checkout line but I don't really condone the voyeurism…Ok, unless it’s minor observation for humor’s sake. Chelsea Handler makes me laugh really hard.)
In the end, the boss told me I was sabotaging his promotional efforts, and I simply wouldn’t bend to start letting him release collage videos of starlet’s mugshots, and the rest of our team was shaking it’s head at him. I stood my ground, so he pulled the song and I said "Fuck it"...and as all my "Fuck it's" usually end up with me flying over an ocean, I went to Ireland and England and wrote the first of a book of poems I will publish one day when I am braver. I also wrote for my eventual independent record "Broken Doll & Odds & Ends"...which took a lot of fighting for and waiting for and did include "Shine" after all because people liked it and once it was mine again...finally, so did I.
The reason I'm telling this story now is that as I'm touring through France for some inspiration, I’ve heard "Shine” play a few times locally. It's funny, because I didn't realize…and don’t think that it was.... even released here, but it was playing in Paris in the Prada store, and again in a cute little cafe/bakery across from Notre Dame in Rouen.
But most excitingly, on the train to Montmartre a few days ago I met a girl and her boyfriend...she was French and he was Canadian. She was a very lovely and smart girl,  a rep for Gucci and a poet/songwriter in her off time.  She told me "Shine" had been her anthem when her old boyfriend of 3 years was cheating on her. I teared up…(New boyfriend rolled his eyes.)
I was touched to see that the song had made the rounds even though there was a time when all it meant to me was a reminder of a trying time when I had to decide who I was as a writer lucky enough to have people listening to me…and what I was ok with.
It seems people got the message of the song even despite the angling approach to promotion. ..Which in the end I’m not mad at anymore. Throughout the history of business there has always been disagreements over how to get products to people. My job is to make things worthy of listening to, reading, looking at…things I’m proud of….
However, this is not the point. The point is that even though one little song was written only for one girl, who never knew it was hers, and then it was filed away under “things to move on from”, it managed to resonate with people I may never meet. And stranger still, it resonates with me now, as my own anthem.
I could have written it to myself in 2011. I could have written to girls I know…or don’t really know…now. I thought I was just being clever at 22, but 4 years later, the poets and porn stars really do align. 5,000 years from now there will still be smart, beautiful people who will blind themselves to their own worth in order to lose themselves in someone who seems pretty shiny. And there will always be shiny people who keep smart, beautiful girls/boys just broken enough to need their particular brand of adhesive. I’d rather suffer the cut than mend it with strands of spider web.
This morning I am grateful to the poet/porn stars that make me rediscover my ability to call bullshit where there’s bullshit. I’m sorry for times when I’ve been the bullshit, I’m sorry for craning my neck at car wrecks or playing along at the “upper hand” game. ..Especially when the shoulders that hold the arms are so heavy and the chest is so torn already. May the right hand win! I forfeit! I’m lefty anyway…I do my own thing…and that body can function just fine with one hand…and without me.
Many many songs later, I like Shine again. And I like that it is playing when I need to hear it…And I like that it is playing on a trip where I’m writing for the next album after BrokenDoll&Odds&Ends has sold an unbelievable number of copies with no promotion at all.  Thank YOU for that.  My little travel guitar is getting quite a workout in France.
Today’s adventure is a visit to Mont St. Michel…which I am currently looking at from my balcony. It’s really beautiful. I’m going to climb it…in my new white and red Maxazria dress that looks like someone chopped me with a machete to the center…cause that’s how I roll. Enjoy your day…or evening…wherever you’re reading this from.
 “Shine on you crazy diamond” –Pink Floyd

Monday, November 7, 2011

A new story...In 2 parts.


When I was in NY in 2007, I met a beautiful girl. She’s a singer. I’d never met her before but I liked her right away. She was unassuming and sweet. Self-deprecating in a way that held truth and hilarity…not that false modesty kind that happens with pretty girls who’s pretty is their flagstone and crutch.
This girl was in a relationship with a boy who I’d met before and have met again since. I mean, I’d met him personally a few times, but more significantly, I’ve met many like him. They are irresistible.  Charismatic, beautiful…they get in. But they are also controlling in a way that makes time seem to pass on two planes. Real time and their time…they are masters at making you feel like it’s you. And somehow they can make you feel insignificant as they are simultaneously kissing your insecurities.
It’s is a strong or very stupid woman who can survive their love because in reality, whatever they do to hurt a woman is nothing compared to the ache in them that allows for their ability to justify their destructive and often times very lying behavior.  And then they plan that trip, say that thing, sing your song, or simply make you laugh or cry in the way that reminds you of their inner goodness and you forget. Very strong or very stupid.
My new friend wasn’t stupid. Far from it. This guy was good. He turned a phrase or talked his way round something and even you’d be surprised to find that suddenly you were Mowgli looking into his eyes and singing along…”trust in me….just in me…”

To Be Continued… (I have to go see the Cimetire Du Pere Lachaise)

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Bones

Call me a wave and send me home
I'm low
A one man island
Stoned
I burned the kettle, called it black
I take it back
I wear the coat of someone strong
I hope they never find me out
The daemons come out at night
And I don't believe in dawn
Somebody's wasted on the pavement
And he's singing my song 
Your raging seas will lead you home
When you make it hard to leave you alone
When we're all just bones
Well I hope you know
You were the best part
Dear milligrams and rosaries
Nobody fucks me up like me
And I'm still outnumbered in my head
But I believe I'm gonna roll this crooked world
I'll make her raise her corpsey eyes
But I don't know if I'm lying
When I say you'll be alright
I'm just as bruised and lost as you
That's why I'm hoping you'll find 
Your raging seas will lead you home
When you make it hard to leave you alone
When we're all just bones
Well I hope you know
You were the best part
Wait, I thought I heard you say
Wait, I thought I heard you say
Wait, no land's a one man stoned
And no island's alone
Cause your raging seas will lead you home
When you make it hard to leave you alone
When we're all just bones
Well I hope you know
You were the best part
(AnNa Oct. 2011)

Teach You To Die

Plumage and eyes of brine
That’s what you left behind
You sing a serpent’s song
Ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba
Now I’ve got this broken heart
With edges nice and sharp
And this won’t hurt me at all
Ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba
Ooh ooh
That’ll teach you to lie, dear lover
Ooh ooh
I’ll teach you to die, dear lover
Cause I think you bleed
Sweeter than me
Ooh Ooh
I’m gonna kiss your lips
Down to your finger tips
But I’m gonna use my teeth
Ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba
And once I’ve drained your liar’s lungs
I’m gonna sing your requiem 
To show I loved you once
Ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba
Ooh ooh
That’ll teach you to lie, dear lover
Ooh ooh
I’ll teach you to die, dear lover
Cause I think you bleed
Sweeter than me
Ooh Ooh
I heald his head in my lap cried
I drew the shape of a cross
He pointed fingers but found my trigger
And we were all better off
Ba ba ba  ba ba ba ba…..
Ooh ooh
That’ll teach you to lie, dear lover
Ooh ooh
I’ll teach you to die, dear lover
Cause I think you bleed
Sweeter than me
Ooh Ooh
(AnNa Oct. 2011)

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

"Grand Jeté" or "On Jumping In With Both Feet"

I was driving into the grocery store parking lot a few weeks back, looking to buy some batteries for my tape recorder.  (Now that BrokenDoll&Odds&Ends has been released, I’m hard at work writing the next one.)

Meanwhile I was on the phone with my girlfriend. I was playing an “If They Married” game, as in…If Coco Chanel married Iggy Pop, she’d be Coco Pop….If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he’d be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh…if Ivana Trump married a harem of the following; Mr. Bean,  King Oscar of Norway, Stephanie Meyer, and Anthony Weiner…she’d be Ivana Bean Oscar Meyer Weiner…..

…Y’know grown up stuff…..

I cut myself off and said, “We should just go to France.”
I’ve been a few times, she’s never been. We agreed it would be amazing, but we knew it was one of those things you just say, have a quick pipedream, and then keep working. Be rational. Don’t just jump in with both feet.

Recently I was with a friend in San Francisco. We were having tea and I voiced, “I want to swim in the bay.” Of course its freezing….I know that, but it just sounded so, wonderful. Besides, I didn’t have a bathing suit and I was going to be seeing a little concert and some other friends later….I get Halloween-kitty hair if I’m not careful.
Be rational. Don’t just jump in with both feet.

In school I often got in trouble for jumping in with both feet.
When I was in 6th grade, my classmate Ashley, in a fit of preteen aggression, kicked the main water pipe on the field and sent an enormous geyser shooting 20 feet in the air. I didn’t miss a beat…I came running from the other side of the field and did a superman jump right through it. A gang of kids followed, sadly, only to be stopped short by our police-academy-dropout gym coach. 
The funny thing is, when the middle aged principal took me aside in front of my gym class later that day, she said, “You know you could have slipped and gotten hurt or led others to do so.” I nodded meekly, and she smiled and said, “However…you’re meant to have fun, and if I was fast enough…and not the principal, I’d probably have done the same thing. If you promise you won’t tell anyone that I’m letting this slide, I won’t punish you.”  I was shocked!
I put on a sad face and I kept that promise.
Of course, that beer bellied, turquoise-corduroy-hot-pants wearing, no-neck coach took it upon himself to give me a demerit and a “nobody likes a girl who jumps around like a stupid person” (clever, eh?) talk in front of the whole class, but it didn’t matter because everyone knew that I’d had the most fun of anyone on campus that day.  I had jumped in with both feet.  No regrets.

When I was 9 or 10 I began ballet dancing again after a few years away.  I was like a lot of little girls in that I wanted to be a ballerina…princess/poet/vampire/forensic scientist/coroner/rock star ;), plus my grandma was a Broadway dancer and she was my idol.
I was en Pointe pretty quickly. I wasn’t the best at it, but it made my heart leap every time I laced up my shoes and I absolutely loved it. The movements felt like the wind blowing through the leaves. Like flying. I never wanted to stop. I walked around on my toes all day. (I still do actually. When I’m barefoot, my heels don’t touch the ground too often.)
Unfortunately, by the time I was 16, my family had moved. Between being too far away from the dance studio and starting a new school, dancing took a back seat. I promised myself I’d keep at the exercises until I had time and found a new studio, but I didn’t follow through.
Besides, during my last recital I moved wrong on my hyper-extended right foot, hurt myself, and ended that particular shoe’s career.
After that I simply never bought new shoes.
I’ve thought many times over the years that I’d like to dance again. I’d have to relearn everything. My posture needs work, ankles are weak, and I wear a toe ring now….
“Rational” would be letting that pastime stay past.

I wonder when it is that we stop just doing. When does what we feel rationally obligated to do eclipse what we WANT to do?  It isn’t just money or time that holds us back….some things are cheap and making time is always possible for those soul needs, but we still shake our heads at ourselves.  When does a kid stop believing he will grow up to be a ballerina? When did I stop jumping in with both feet?

Is it that we think, “people will see me look like a  ‘stupid person?’”  In the backs of our heads we must know that is malarkey because….the stupid-looking people are usually the ones showcasing their carelessness and fearlessness by doing fake lunges on the sand while everyone else jumps right in with both feet. (I dated that boy in high school, btw. My Mother once met up with us on a surfing trip and with one foot she pushed him over mid-lunge!)

Maybe it’s laziness. Maybe the first thing to go when we’re lazy is our own needs.  I mean the soul’s needs. We make sure the boss, the partner, the kids, the co-workers have what they need (and often times it’s the bare minimum of what we COULD offer because we aren’t spiritually thriving) and then we tap out and watch B-list stars dance their way back into relevance until its time for bed.
Or if you’re like me, you can’t justify not working for more than a few hours or you feel guilty and go non-stop for 3 days until you crash.  Then it isn’t as much laziness as exhaustion from a destructive all-or-nothing cycle of behavior. Either way, those free feeling just-do soul needs suffer.

Being in love helps to make the in-with-both-feet attitude awaken because you’re experiencing life for the first time through someone else’s eyes. Everything makes you want to jump. But I don’t want my sense of abandon to exist in another person. I want to have it already…for anyone else to enjoy when they’re with me. I want that from the people I’m around too. Be free with me because you are.

As I soldier along and slowly grow up, I see that in-with-both-feet is a bigger concept than literally jumping in Karen Randel’s Aunt’s pool with all my clothes on.
Sometimes it means not building a wall when I’m terrified that something might not follow the storyline of my daydreams. It actually means tearing it down even if it hurts because I can’t open my arms as wide or glow as bright behind walls.  I’ll never know how strong I actually am until I jump over....and just feel it all and do everything I possibly can as long as it’s what my chest tells me to do.
Sometimes jumping in with both feet really smarts upon landing and can be very scary...like telling someone you love them when you know they don’t love you back because love felt and not shared is really a waste, or leaving home before you’re sure you’re ready.

I must have liked the in-with-both-feet feeling because I vividly remember a scene at the end of the movie Labyrinth when Sarah realizes to the Goblin King “You have no power over me”, and she jumps off the upside-down staircase room into nothingness.  I used to mimic that scene and jump out of the tree in my Grandmother’s front yard. Sometimes it hurt my little feet with that terrible stabbing pain that starts at the heel and shoots up the ankles….but I always landed on my feet…or got back up on them.  Self-consciousness, indecision, fear…had no power over me.

When it rains, I always run naked in it….or just stand for a few minutes.
When I get the urge to hug or kiss or laugh too loud, I’m going to.
If I love you, I will tell you without looking away.
If you burn me on purpose, you better believe I’m jumping the fuck out of your bullshit-tree!
When I have a song to sing I’m going to say what I mean.
When I want to go to Dineyland 15 minutes before closing just to go on Haunted Mansion, try and stop me! Rationality can kill the spirit if used without caution.

I knew that black San Francisco water was going to be cold.  I knew it was going to ruin my dress. I knew there were people around who might think I was losing my head.  I knew I didn’t have a towel….
I didn’t care. I ran in..then ran back out…it was painfully cold….then I jumped ALL the way in and had to tread water while singing “I left my heart in San Francisco” to keep from hyperventilating. My friend videotaped it. I did look ridiculous, but it felt wonderful. 
All the good things were in that swim. Like falling in love or giving up all the things one can’t control and just feeling it all. Taking in those wonderful, delicious, honey-butter good things that the very air and earth have to offer.  I made sweet love with Crissy Field (that’s a place…not a person)…and my friend took a dip too…and then even though it was freezing, we sat on the roof of my car and watched the sunset while Arcade Fire sang “Wake Up” on my stereo. Now I understand what that song means.

Of course there were and are things that smart upon landing.  I lose my little flicker of light. Just because I jump doesn’t mean the person I’m holding hands with will jump too. It certainly doesn’t guarantee anyone will catch me. And usually that actually means it’s worth the pain of landing just to move on from that person…or thing….or situation. 
Yes, losing light is a terrible thing, but I find it again. I’m a tough broad…
I swim in freezing cold water like it’s nothin', Dog!!!

When I got home from SF, my girlfriend and I headed to Barnes and Noble and each bought a cd and booklet of basic French.

On November 1st we are going to France after all!!!

…And we will need to brush up on the language so we can effectively ask for the right ticket to CLIMB to the top of the Eiffel Tower, and a glass of real Absinthe and Champagne, and the right dress size in that Christian Lacroix dress I swear I’m going to buy as soon as I get to Paris.

I must have lost me for a moment there.  I wasn’t gone for long. For those who love me I want to share that in-with-both-feet feeling. For those who like my light or need it, I want to glow like the full moon.  For myself I want to be a big strong tower with no outer wall because I like feeling it all.

Last week as I wrote lyrics for a new song called  “The Sweetest Taste”, I was watching TCM on silent. They were doing a dance movie special. Lots of ballet!
I remembered that my little ballet flats are worn to road kill from the last time I changed out of my fancy platform heels and danced in them all night.  I went on line intending to buy some new flats.
I couldn’t help but peek at those beautifully classic looking Pointe shoes.  Silky, graceful, strong…..

I chose a wide box toe and a flexible arch.  My heart was racing! They sell some pretty cushy looking accessories 10 years later so I bought those too…and a pair of pink satin ribbons.
Work made the week fly by quickly and when the package arrived on my doorstep I opened my little slippers like it was Christmas morning. They felt just like I remembered. Strong but soft, feminine and sturdy. They smelled like Christmas too because that was the when the biggest performance of the year was held. I put them on right away and believe it or not I can still do a decently impressive relevé…for a songwriter.
I’m a beginner now. I’ll definitely only be able to do minor steps for a little while till my ankles are strong again, but I started the workouts tonight after a long writing session, and it made me feel like wind in trees again. 
My goodness, my feet are sore. No regrets. 

So imagine me baking coffee éclairs from my little French cookbook, wearing my apron and toe shoes, and strumming the guitar while they cool.
Jumping in with both feet….in ballet shoes no less. Il est merveilleux!